Parenting in isolation is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do during this time. I have always relied on those around me to parent my children. And without the contact or intersection of other people’s lives with my children’s lives I have felt a huge burden that the parenting rests solely on me and my husband’s shoulders.
Over the past few weeks, while we have been in a stay at home status, I have been able to reflect on the many people who have impacted my children’s lives. The way that little pieces of advice or huge chunks of time given to me and/or my children had pivoted my children toward the people they are today.
This began early on. Before I was even a parent of my own there was the impact of Jan Gohring. Jan was one of those people who was teaching me to parent before I even had the opportunity to parent my own. Her impact carried over into the very first months of life with my firstborn. I could go on and talk about my children’s preschool teachers and how they affirmed my own belief that my children were brilliant. But I’m not going to bother you with the details of their lives from birth until now but rather I want to pinpoint some specific people along the way.
Please know that every person in my children’s lives has had an impact and what they are becoming. Here, in this space, I’m choosing to is highlight some specific people, who without them, I would not be able to be the mother I am today.
Amy Ebert, you helped me navigate just as much as I helped you navigate being a teacher and mom at the same time. You also loved my children as fiercely as you love your own. That was so clear to me when you became my son‘s kindergarten teacher. Your zest for life and your loving manner passed directly to my son who is very intelligent, and that’s not just me saying it, I know you agree. You also saw that he was not necessarily the school loving type and set him on a positive path of learning.It’s about my friend and colleague Lauri Ward, who when she saw me in tears and knew that I knew something was not right in regards to the way that Emmarie was grasping learning to read and took action. She took her skills as a diagnostician and her passionate love for me and my daughter and took Emmarie under her wing. She tutored her through some of the hardest parts of her first and second-grade years learning to read. At the same time encouraged me to keep seeking support for Emmarie.
Then there is Rene Egle who saw Kristopher‘s natural inclination to code and tinker in robotics.
Instead of having him repeat the same summer camp for K-2, summer to summer, she let him after second-grade jump up to the third through fifth-grade camp. Later that provided him an opportunity to be part of a robotics after school curricular activity that was designed for fourth and fifth graders. Thank you, Rene, you instilled in him the love of coding, robotics, and problem-solving which will most likely lead into his life career.Courtney Clark, in just a short period of time we were together you loved Emmarie fiercely, help me parent in a world where we are still trying to figure out our place as females in this world. You showed her that you could love God, be a woman of God, and lead a congregation.
Pamelynn and Mike Nennmann, you two have loved my children as if they were your own. Sometimes people have even mistaken my children as your own children. Pamelynn thank you for coming alongside me and helping me parent through the learning struggles Em had and show me through your own experiences how you struggled with the same challenges. I couldn’t have done it without you and I probably would have left her with more scars than I care to say.
Michael thank you for loving Kristopher uniquely and in some ways taking him on as your own. The two of you share similarities and an intriguing way of thinking. The way that you and Kris think and love fiercely but quietly, how you just get one another is something I continue to respect and admire.
Kurt Glenn, such a short time we have known you, but what an impact. You quickly recognized we were way over our head as parents with Kristopher’s desire to build his own computer. You stepped in helped him making an impact we yet know the result. Helping him build his own computer, generously gifting him equipment that he needed so he could continue the project, I know he will forever look at you with awe and respect. While most people in IT are not seen as people with capes, you are a hero with a cape in our family.
Laura Grimes, your arrival on the scene has been extremely recent, but your impact… there are no bounds on time with what you have done for Emmarie. In a short time, you have helped her rediscover herself again. I had felt like the Emmarie before moving to Arkansas had been lost in Texas. You have found her for us. Thank you for what you’re doing and what you will be doing to help her forge her path for her future.There are so many others that are not mentioned here that have impacted my children in numerous ways. I know that Eric and I are forever grateful for those that have come into our children’s lives and honestly helped our job as parents be a little easier.
I want to encourage parents and mothers out there if you think you can do it alone, reconsider. Your children’s lives will be so much richer if others are invited in as partners and enhancers to the work you are already doing. If you are a soon to be parent/mother, I encourage you to be welcome in those around you who you see the value and wisdom they bring to the world around them and to you.
I have always used this filter after becoming a parent when it comes to those I hold closest in my life: “if you can’t love my children fiercely then your friendship is probably not going to be as deep with me as it could be. A friendship with me means being part of our family and loving my children. I also promise, in the same way you love my children fiercely, I will love your children fiercely, fur babies or walking on two legs. I promise you I will give the same care and respect to you and your children as you have given to mine.”
I know this, because I know without others, I could not be the mother I aspire to be.
Happy Mother’s Day, 2020.
Today I was looking through the glass back door of my house into my back yard. I have three dogs and this door is used frequently by the entire family. To say the door was filthy would be an understatement (I am not overly type A about keeping the windows clean). I did scrounge up the window cleaner, grabbed the paper towel roll, and went to work. What I noticed as I cleaned is that the top of the glass pane had very little dirt. However, as I worked my way down to the bottom, the paper towel became filthy.
I do not make light that we still look down. We still become overwhelmed by our own “dirty bottom of the glass .” However, we have been given one another. Reach out to the team of your choosing and chant to one another “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose!” God made us for fellowship so that we look up, look through the clear clean glass, and are filled with His light!
Moving in any stage of life is a challenge. Once the basic needs are taken care of and you are able to locate the grocery store, a couple of restaurants, the nearest gas stations and have settled into a routine, the next need comes into play. The need for community and friends. When I was growing up and moved, you were thrown into a pool of peers, almost like forced socialization. When I moved as a newlywed we had the freedom with time and flexibility to meet other young couples. As we transitioned into the early stages of family and moved, again, that stage of life seemed to naturally create an opportunity for friends, motherhood is a time of desperation that brings you together with others struggling in similar life journeys. Early stages of parenthood gave way to connections when the kids entered elementary school and often crossed over into the nearby church we attended. So making friends, while sometimes daunting, in each situation had an obvious “entry point.”
reach out to the “new people” in your path and invite them into your “circle.” This may not improve my current friend situation, but it makes me hopeful. After all, I am a good friend material who wouldn’t want to be my friend!
Moving sucks. It’s not just the packing of boxes, unpacking of boxes, painting, re-painting, registering kids in new schools, learning the ins and outs of a new community, school, work culture that sucks. It’s that no matter how much your kiddos are seeming to adjust, and you are getting along; in the middle of it all… YOU MISS YOUR PEOPLE!
After that, I jumped into “
It is ugly. My kids in every public setting with others give me a wary look when I start “my thing.” I don’t like myself, they don’t say it, but they don’t like me either.
So I can post on social media subtly “my kid is in college!” I think she met her limit (see the picture… if you know her that is “the look.”) I know, shameful!
I was still in a state of worry, but the conviction to back off on my engineering was received and acknowledged.
Twenty years ago this upcoming fall Eric came home to our 1930’s eight hundred square foot salt box two bedroom home in Ozark, Arkansas and told me he was being transferred with Cargill, Inc. to Waco, Texas. He, being a native Texan, was excited. I, on the other hand, a native Arkansan, was not.
It wasn’t until we took our family trip starting New Year’s Day 2018 (a new Christmas gift tradition for the kids), that the uninterrupted family time could provide opportunity for organic conversations and discussions to take place helping us select our word. It was on third day of our trip to California, as we drove through the vastness of the Joshua Tree National Park that we began to discuss what the Wilson Family’s “One Word” would be. To keep each individual’s ideas respected and honest, each family member was to submit three words to me. After some time given to ponder, each family member submitted their three words.
The Wilson Family Stories from Razorback Ranch 